What Is a Brave Rider, Really?

Because very early on, often without meaning to, we start equating bravery with more. More height. More speed. More pressure. More tolerance from the horse.

And when bravery is framed this way, it doesn’t just shape how riders ride, it shapes how they think, how they measure success, and how they learn to listen (or not listen) to their horses.

For almost every rider we call brave, there is often a horse dealing with confusion and frustration.

For every young rider excused with,

“They’re learning, they don’t know yet,” that’s why they kick every stride, that’s why they pull over the jumps, that's why the haul on their pony to stop.

there is a rider who could have spent that same time learning how to be clear, fair, and kind.

And yes, the response is always the same:

“But that’s boring. They’re kids. They don’t want to do that.” 

But what if the baseline expectation was different?

What if, from the very beginning, riders were taught that seat and body came before their hands, shown how fun learning ground skills is and praised for kind and clear riding.

What if we taught horse behavior from the start, how a horse’s body communicates long before it shouts? 

There is no excuse for a young rider constantly pulling and kicking when it is clear the horse is not having a good time.

Yes, in five or ten years that rider may be quieter. More polished. Have the ribbons to show.

But how many horses had to be pulled around for them to get there? How many horses were confused, frustrated and sore just so a rider can learn. When learning doesn't have to be that way.

How many of those riders know how to ask a horse to rebalance from a light touch on the ground?

How many have a good concept of body language, how our body effects the horse, how the horse thinks?

When a horse becomes heavy in the reins, how many investigate why instead of pulling harder or closing the mouth?

And what happens to those riders over time?

• They don’t want to go back.

• They don’t want to slow down.

• They don’t want to learn how much their body affects the horse.

• They don’t want to admit how much easier we could make a horse’s life by doing less, better.

In a world that celebrates doing more, going faster, and pushing harder, respecting a horse’s limits takes courage.

It is brave to say: “My horse is not ready.” “My horse is tired.”

To prioritize soundness, mental wellbeing, and trust, even when it costs you results or recognition.

I have watched riders slowly become surrounded by comments and small actions that push this idea, often without anyone meaning to.

Friends saying things like,

“Oh, I didn’t know you could ride like that,”

or,

“Your horse is more than capable.”

They only get invited to things once they start competing or showing.

Parents, too, often reinforce it unintentionally:

“Why didn’t you do that?”

“When are we going to a show?”

The most effort, the most attention, the most pride often appears when the rider does something big, when they compete, when they achieve something visible. That’s when both parents come to watch. That’s when photos get posted. That’s when excitement builds.

And slowly, a rider learns this lesson:

If I want praise, connection, and love, I have to do more.

Not kinder.

Not clearer.

Just more.

So What Is a Brave Rider?

When we praise a rider for being “brave,” we need to ask ourselves what we are actually praising.

Are we celebrating a rider thoughtfully stepping through a challenge, or one sacrificing their horse’s wellbeing for a ribbon?

Somewhere along the way, we decided a brave rider is the one who jumps higher, rides through fear, and pushes on at all costs.

But I don’t believe that.

I believe the brave rider is the one who slows down.

The one who notices imbalance and chooses basics over bravado.

The one who seeks help when needed.

The one who respects a horse’s limits, even when it’s unpopular.

The one who refuses to perform for society’s idea of success.

And honestly, there aren’t that many brave riders out there.

Real bravery looks like standing up for the horse.

Taking your time.

Staying teachable.

Staying kind.

That is the rider horses need and deserve.